Six Years of Freedom and Happiness

This past Sunday, I officially celebrated six years with my now fiancé (AJ).

To me, this is yet another major achievement for us as a couple. To me, it has been six amazing years with a man I truly love.

However this achievement also made think about our relationship and how my past still affects us as a couple, even six years later.

As some of you may know, or have read in my first blog post), I not only grew up in a abusive household, I am also a "survivor" of sexual abuse.

While I am proud of where I have ended up despite the horror of 10 years of that specific kind of abuse, I can't help but sometimes notice, how should I word this, the results from that kind of abuse?

For example; I will be the first to admit that I can be insecure, I sometimes need to be reassured that I am loved despite the fact that I know I am, I can also be very immature when others begin talking about sex, even when it is just in a joking nature, it always makes me slightly uncomfortable, and I hate silence, it makes me feel like something is wrong.

I see these traits as side- effects of living in an abusive household and while they are still there I have seen such improvement in that short amount of time.

I also seen some examples of amazing strength in myself, I see these to be the most valuable things I have, despite living in that situation, I still am an good person. For example, I have the ability to be compassionate, to still see the good in others, I also believe in myself and know I can achieve all that I want to make happen. I also believe in myself to the point that I won't settle for less that what I want in life. 

Overall, I am so happy to be continuing this amazing journey with the man I love. In addition, I am excited to continue to grow stronger and stronger as I continue my life in healthy environment. 
 

Six Years Later

        While I was working at one of my three jobs this past week, I "ran into" someone from my past. While this person didn't see me, or at least didn't acknowledge that they saw me, I found myself spending the rest of my shift (actually, until I started writing this blog post), thinking about how different my life is more than six years after this person was a consistent part of my life. 

        First off, let me start by saying, it is truly amazing how much can change in six years. Six years ago I was a senior in high school, living with my wonderful family but also with my abusive step-father, trying to get into college, dealing with some heartbreak, and longing to be free. To be honest, reflectively that was probably one of the most difficult points in my life. 

        Now, am an adult. I have graduated from college with not only a Bachelor's but also a Masters and had an amazing time earning those degrees. I am doing work in a field that I love and have immense passion for. I am engaged to perhaps the best man I have ever known. I have my family, without the man that caused us all so much pain, and found another family in the amazing people who raised my fiancé.  I am independent. I have direction and I know what I want. I have goals, dreams, and plans and absolutely no doubt that I can achieve them. I am completely free. 

          Looking back, these past six years have been the greatest journey. I am proud of where I am, what I have survived and more importantly what I have and will conquer. So, I conclude this piece by saying thank you to that person from my past, for reminding me how lucky I really am.