Sweet Is The Voice of a Sister In The Season of Sorrow

 On my bid day, I was so excited I could barely run to the Kappa house. And just like all new members know, the time flies by. Before I knew it, I had a Big and a Grandbig and I couldn't wait to have a little of my own. I felt like I waited an eternity before we started recruitment, but we finally did....and I met her. 

She was beautiful, blonde, bubbly, funny, smart, determined,...literally the entire package. She was someone who other sororities would fight for and I wanted her from the moment I met her. When they read us the bid list, I screamed when I heard her name and when she came running to the house, I remember her basically jumping into my arms....we were officially sisters. 

It goes without saying that she became my perfect, precious little. We were inseparable. We had sleepovers, wine nights, family dinners, and more. We'd go to parties and socials, she'd borrow my clothes and I'd steal her scarves. We fought like a married couple, and I mean fought, we were both stubborn as hell but soon both of us would miss the other too much and cave. She was the perfect little and all I wanted was to be the perfect big. 

I'll be graduating soon and taking the next big steps in life. And when I think about my future, I think about her as my bridesmaid, being there when my children are born, seeing my kids grow and being apart of their lives. All of the things that any big and little pair hope for. 

But my dreams are now shattered. 

On September 12, 2014, I got the news that my precious wonderful little had passed away from an accident. She was 19 and had the world at her feet. I wanted those sentimental moments for myself but I also wanted her to include me in hers. I had pictured this future after college, and now....I'm lost. 

Nobody wants to ever think this would happen to them. During big/little reveal, you never think you are only going to get a year. I have been so angry that God would put someone so special in my life, someone who I loved so much, and then just rip them away from me. Because that's what happened.....but everything happens for a reason? 

My little had that hanging in her room on a canvas. "Everything happens for a reason" Well, I don't see that reason yet. But I do feel her around me everyday, slowly whispering to keep waking up and take some baby steps. So maybe I will believe that eventually, until then, I just have a void that I can't fill. And it feels like it hurts more everyday, but I trust that now I have an angel who is taking care of me. 

To my precious, wonderful, baby panda...rest sweetly and continue to be my sunshine. Be with me, because even though I'm supposed to always take care of you, I need you to take care of me and keep me going. I miss you more then you will ever possibly know. 

And for the rest of you, hug your littles. Squeeze them tight and never take one second for granted. They are our precious, little sorority babies and in one second, they can be gone. 

In honor of my Brookie 

1995-2014 

"I give you all my pandas"