As I posted last week, I lost somebody that I loved dearly. I had never met anybody like him and he meant the world to me. Overnight everything changed and within 36 hours of his accident, he passed away.
It was during the weeks following his death that I received more love and support from my sisters than I ever could have imagined. The day that he passed away, two of my sisters came into the room I was having a meeting in and they brought me flowers and cookies. Within 20ish minutes from those two coming in, four more sisters came in with more flowers, more cookies, and Starbucks. I had already been overwhelmed with what I was feeling but this really made me break down. For the first time in my life, I had the undying support of all of my friends. After getting home from my meeting, the doorbell rang and my roommate (and best friend) answered the door. In came two more sisters with flowers, cookies, and chocolate flowers.
As the week went on, I attempted to force myself to get on with my life. For days, I wouldn't go out. That Friday night, I went to a haunted house and to the movie theater with some of my sisters and one of my sisters, a new member who hasn't known me but for a few weeks, gave me a card and chocolate.
It really hit me at that time...I'm apart of the greatest support system in the world. I'm a greek. I have the greatest friends on the planet. I have 40 women who I can call, day or night, and I know they'll answer the phone.
Nothing bothers me more than when people say, "you pay for your friends!"
No..I don't pay for my friends. Never have I ever paid for the love and support that I receive day in and day out. I didn't pay for the unconditional love that I have received since I came into this organization when I was a sophomore in Spring 2012.
I have never in my life had friendships like the ones that I've made while I've been in Phi Sig. In my time that I've been in Phi Sig, I've found my best friends, my partners in crime, my future bridesmaids, and ultimately, I've found my soulmates.
I met my two best friends because we all came into Phi Sig 6 months apart. The three of us have served on executive board for two terms. I live with one and the other one may as well live with us because we're always together anyway. I have the two best littles and I have just recently received the best grand little into my family. I've had the two best rosebuds that I could have ever asked for that have been there through everything with me.
I ultimately have everything that I ever really needed. I lost love in a very tragic way, but I was also blind to see that I had people around me the entire time that loved me when I was at my worst. I've had people that would hold me while I cry and bring me the unhealthiest of food, even when I didn't need it.
I've been blessed to have the most wonderful support systems of all.
Don't forget to tell your loved ones that you love them and that you care. Don't forget to savor every minute you have with them because you never know if things could change. Embrace those around you, because whether you realize it or not, you have the most wonderful of people around you who will love you unconditionally.
When we go to sleep each night, we never think that we'll never talk to someone again. We're always expecting to wake up in our perfect worlds and talk to the people that mean the most of us, never thinking for a single second that something could happen in a blink of an eye that could take them away from us forever.
On Monday, October 6th, I woke up to some of the worst news I could have ever gotten. I woke up to find a message saying that a guy I was involved with was in a car accident late Sunday night on his way home from work. After being hit by a drunk driver, he fought for about 36 hours until I heard the following day from a friend of his that he had passed away.
The worst part of all of this is that he lived in Boston. Unfortunately, hopping on a plane isn't the easiest or cheapest thing to do, so I had to suffer from a distance. I couldn't visit the hospital and I couldn't go to any services.
To say that I was devastated is the understatement of the century. I didn't eat for days, I didn't go to classes, and when I could actually fall asleep, I cried myself to sleep. I was and still am miserable but I know that he would want me to continue with my life. Doing that is easier said than done but I've done it.
I'm not saying any of this to gain sympathy from anybody, I'm saying it because it's what I feel on a daily basis. I feel my heart aching every single day and it aches down to the pit of my stomach.
I miss him. I miss the sweet messages and all of the laughs and smiles he brought to my life. I miss talking until the early hours of the morning. I miss us talking about the geekiest things ever. I miss everything about him.
The days preceding his death, I was being a complete brat and I know he wasn't happy with me. They always say never go to sleep or leave the house angry or upset. Well, he was working and I'll never know if he was upset with me or not when he passed away.
When you meet a certain person, you know immediately if they're meant to stay in your life or not. I know that he was meant to. He was only 23 and still full of life and he wasn't supposed to leave.
Losing somebody you love is never easy. He knew everything about me, even the secrets kept in the deepest places of my soul. I can, without a doubt, say that I loved him with every piece of my heart.
The day of his death, I had a meeting that I couldn't skip and after being there for only a few minutes, my sisters started showing up to the meeting (and my apartment that night) with flowers, cookies, starbucks, cards, chocolate, and their unconditional love. Though my heart is still broken from the loss of this truly amazing man, the love and support that my sisters have shown me has been amazing and I am truly thankful to be apart of my sisterhood.
Goodbyes make you realize a lot. They make you realize what you had and what you took for granted. Goodbyes are never easy.
When you love somebody, you'd better tell them because you never know when you'll be talking to them for the last time. You never know when your world could be turned upside down and your heart be broken. If you love somebody, tell them and hold them tight because my biggest regret was that I didn't.
I may have lost the greatest love I've ever known but I've gained the greatest guardian angel.
