Coping With The Loss Of An Active Member

Handling the loss of anyone is intolerably difficult and handling the loss of an active member or any member of your chapter past or present is even more difficult. I get chills and goosebumps as I sit here thinking of ways to do this subject justice. First, I need to remember that I am so grateful as my chapter has not experienced the pain and hardship of losing a sister. However, I have seen first hand the suffering (of chapter members, entire Greek communities, and close friends) that death brings upon those left behind. My hope by writing this post is to bring peace to those suffering and to extend my support to anyone who has ever had to endure this type of struggle. 

Greek Life at SVSU Fall 2014

At my university, over the last two years, we've had to cope with the untimely passing of two specific gentlemen, one an alumni of Tau Kappa Epsilon and the other an active member of Phi Kappa Tau. My entire Greek community felt the heartbreak of not only the families of these two individuals but the pure, pit-in-the-stomach, agony the active members and alumni of these chapters were feeling. We, as Greek life, came together to attend memorial ceremonies, Relay for Life remembrance walks, and even attended the funerals of these individuals regardless of if we knew them personally or not. Being Greek is much more than bid day parties, themed mixers, decorated paddles, socials, fundraising events, and philanthropic endeavors. Being Greek means having not just your entire sisterhood or brotherhood to stand by your side in tough times, but an entire community of individuals who share their support with you in good times and bad. 

Kappa Sigma May 2014

One story that I will share comes from the Sigma Zeta chapter of Kappa Sigma at Northwood University in Midland, MI. I have had the pleasure of being very close with these gentlemen over the course of my college career. I've been able to see the their brotherhood blossom from a simple colony to receiving their charter and becoming a thriving part of Greek Life at NU. If there's one common trend I've been able to observe through each brother of this fraternity it's that they truly have a bond with each other, exactly what brotherhood should be. Recently, one of their active members, Austin, was taken from them too soon. Although I had only met Austin once, I knew immediately that he was one of those all around good guys. He was a genuine person with a desire to make others happy. I asked a few of Austin's fraternity brothers what they like most about Austin and how they will remember him. The responses I got filled my heart with bliss. "He always lit up the room and was always smiling! He was always game for anything and he never worried about what the next day might bring, that's what I admire most about him. He could make anyone, and I mean anyone, laugh. Everyone just loved being around him." said Nick Schummer, an alumni member of Kappa Sigma and very close friend of Austin's. "He was always happy and energetic. He was always smiling. He was someone who could make friends with virtually anyone and hold a conversation with them." said Jay Banks, an alumni member of Kappa Sigma and Austin's Big Brother. 

Austin with his big bro, Jay.

For many, losing a friend or a family member is the most difficult part of life. If I had to explain what it's like to lose a member of Greek Life, specifically a member of your chapter, it's like placing one hundred wine glasses on a tablecloth and having the cloth ripped out from underneath without warning. Ultimately, the glass will shatter into tiny pieces but what happens after that is what makes being Greek such an incredible thing. When you're standing in front of this disaster, wondering how you'll manage to pick up each and every piece you see out of the corner of your eye a glimmer of relief. Before you know it you have one, four, twenty, fifty, possibly even hundreds of people each picking up a piece of the broken glass for you. You are reassured that you are not in this alone.

Austin with a couple of fraternity brothers and close friends.

When I asked Kappa Sigma what they did to support one another other than the obvious phone calls, text messages, and other forms of communication, I was humbled by the response I received. I expected nothing less from this chapter of gentlemen. "At his service we did a passing ritual at his grave site. We had about 30 brothers and alumni members present for this service." said John McGrane, the current President of Kappa Sigma - Sigma Zeta. 30 brothers and alumni, traveling from all corners of Michigan and even from out of the state to remember Austin and stand by each other as brothers to grieve the loss of their dear friend and member of their fraternity family. That is extraordinary. Furthermore, Kappa Sigma will hold a balloon launch at Northwood University on September 1st in remembrance of Austin for the entire Greek Community and student body to attend.

I think what truly hits home for me is the fact that very rarely do you find a group of individuals like this who will travel hundreds of miles to give support when support is needed. Something as simple as standing by your fraternity brother, sorority sister, or any member of your Greek community in a time of need is what being Greek is really all about. Being part of Greek Life has given me and thousands of others the extra family we needed to get us not only through college but through life post-grad too.

This happens more often than any of us would like to think about. From car accidents, to disease, to acts of self harm, we lose people who are so very near to us too often. If you're trying to cope with the loss of a member of your Greek community or even a close friend you made in college, know that you are not alone. Remember the incredible times you've had with this person and share those memories with others to keep their spirit alive. If you're Greek, if you're not affiliated with any organization, or if you never went to college but you're still finding yourself in this same boat of trying to cope with the loss of someone close to your heart, this one is for you. From my heart to yours - 

Five Things You Should Thank Your College Best Friend For

As some of you may know, I am the Greek Life Blogger for Sorority Girl Thoughts. So, you're probably asking yourself, "How does thanking your college best friend play into Greek Life? That doesn't make sense..." and that, my friends, is where I begin my story. Your college best friends, not to be confused with your high school best friends because those people are incredibly important too, but your college best friends have most definitely seen it all. They've been with you through some of your most stressful and most exciting times in your young adult life. They've witnessed you change from a weird little freshman to the confident, leader you are today. My college best friendships all blossomed from being part of Greek Life. If I would have never joined a sorority, specifically my sorority, I would have never become such great friends with these people and my life would be entirely different. Oddly enough, one of the best friends I've ever had is from the same city that I am. We went to rival high schools and never met each other until we were in college, both in the same sorority. More times than not, I forget to thank my college best friends for all they have done for me through good times and bad. Maybe you lived with your college best friend or maybe your college best friend is someone you never thought in a million years you would be friends with. Whatever your case may be, here's a little list of things I feel are very important to thank your college bff for.

Look at the beauty that is my bff and ignore my strange choice of bat necklace accessory. 

1. Thank them for the times they went out of their way just to see you smile. I cannot tell you how important simple acts of kindness are in times of need. If it's stress from finals week, a break up, failing a class, losing a job, or just trying to juggle too much all at once - your college best friend is always there for you because, chances are, they understand your pain. 

2. Thank them for the times they were your biggest fan or biggest support system when you felt like the weight of the world was on your shoulders. You probably didn't even realize that they were giving you the support you needed or maybe you did. Regardless, your college best friend noticed you struggling to do all that you tried (and probably succeeded at) accomplishing. They took the initiative to give you an extra ounce of courage to motivate you just enough to get the job done. 

#TBT to that wonderful time when KTE and TKE were paired for Greek Week 2014

3. Thank them for the nights when you wanted to stay in but they made you go out with them anyway. Honestly, you probably had so much fun you completely forgot about the hours you wanted to spend binge watching netflix with no pants on while eating macaroni and cheese from the pan skinny pop popcorn. Thank your best friend for helping you show the real world that you're one hot piece of sass and a heck of a good time too! 

Spontaneous, unofficial Summer mixer with the gents of Kappa Sigma. (NOTE: everyone is of age)

4. Thank them for knowing your order at Starbs, Chipotle (or Qdoba for the Queso Lovers), Jimmy Johns, all-time favorite snack, or for simply knowing your favorite flavor of Gatorade. The fact that your bestie knows and remembers these specific details about you and can easily save you from mid-day hanger, starvation, or the worst hangover known to mankind, deserves an award all on its own.

Some of the best pledge sisters a girl could ask for.

5. Thank them for sticking by your side. It's not always easy, we all know that. Sometimes you're difficult or moody and sometimes your college bff is too. Friends come and go for one reason or another. Fights happen. Distance happens especially with this thing called "growing up and moving away". But really though, was there a class on that topic because I sure wasn't prepared for it to start happening. Thank your college best friend for always, no matter what, being there for you to give you a laugh, a hug, a snap back to reality (oh, there goes gravity), or whatever you need to get you through the day. At this point in life, real friends are so precious and hard to come by.

My big and I color coordinating per usual.

If your college best friends have all gone their separate ways or if you're still making enough memories to last you a life time, don't forget to take a moment to thank them for all they've done for you. 

What is your favorite memory with your college best friend? Let us know in the comments below!

My Best Friend's Wedding

Back in December, one of my best friends texted me out of the blue with a picture of a little Christmas ornament that said, “Will you Marry Me?”

Ecstatic, I gave her a ton of congratulations and best wishes as she set off into this new phase of her life!

For me this was beyond exciting; I have known this girl since second grade. We grew up together. When I moved away, we slowly lost touch but in our sophomore year of college, fate stepped in she was transferring to Pace University. Around the same time, I found her on Facebook and we reconnected.  The story ends with her coming to Pace, joining the sorority I was in and us picking up our friendship kind of where we left off!

Now that we are both heading our way down the aisle, we will have each other as one of our bridesmaids: just like we said when we were making Valentine’s in Miss Kiss’s class in second grade.

It goes to show you that even with years apart, some friendships are meant to last and some promises we meant to be kept.

So here I formally say (for the billionth time) Congratulations Kelsey and Ryan!!!! I am so excited to watch two people who really love each other agree to share a life together! T- minus one year!

Partners-In-Crime

Moving away from family sucks but moving away from your best friend makes it feel like a piece of you has been taken away.

There are some things that only your best girlfriends will understand.

I have three best friends.

I've lived with one of them almost immediately after we were first elected into our positions and we  began serving together on our chapters executive board in December of 2012. It's been two very short years since we began living together and it's been the time of my life! Not long after we moved into our first apartment, I had been having guy problems and was a complete mess after our executive board meeting. I, being an unstable 20 year old, barricaded myself in my room while I bawled my eyes out about a guy who doesn't even matter now. She came home and left the sweetest note and a bottle of martinelli's in the fridge (it was my favorite at the time) and that's how we became best friends.  Our friendship for the past two years has consisted of laughs, many midnight Walmart runs, and countless runs to chipotle when we were too lazy to cook dinner for ourselves.

My other two best friends are biological sisters. One of them is my sorority sister and the other is my panhellenic sister. Initially, we became close friends through another sister and then our friendship went completely nuts. I found out that we were all the same person. We all like the same things and then the two of them got me into gaming. We're constantly smiling, laughing until we cry, gaming, eating pizza, and ranting about everything in our lives.

These three aren't the ones that I'll look back and think that "they were the best friends I ever had," because they'll still be by my side in twenty years living life with me.

Even though I'm leaving to Montana and all of them are staying here, I can promise that they will always be with me. There's nothing that texting, snapchat, phone calls, and Skype won't fix.

Friendship can often be tested by distance but true friendship will always pass that test. .

What Being In Sorority Truly Means

Let me begin by saying, being in a sorority has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. This is not an exaggeration, I have no doubt that being a part of Phi Sigma Sigma – Delta Omega has changed my life.

Now, I know what you may be thinking, “every member of Greek Life says that” but the fact is, that it is truly nothing less than the truth for most Greeks, from cultural organizations to social ones, being Greek is an honor and privilege most of us are grateful we have.

Since graduating with my master’s this past May, I have realized (more than I had during my education) that people outside of Greek Life don’t understand the bond that Greeks share with their brothers or sisters, or fellow Greeks for that matter. 

People outside the walls of Greek life have many preconceived ideas about what sorority or fraternity life is, and as citizen of this nation, they have a right to have those beliefs.

Conversely, I have the right to combat their misconceptions with my reality.

Greek life is not about parties or formals, or buying your friends; or belittling our new members, it truly is about friendship and unconditional love.

When you join a Greek Lettered organization, you are joining a group of men or women with like-minded ideals and beliefs. You are joining a family that provides the opportunities to allow you to grow and prosper; you are creating bonds with people and forming relationships that will last you a lifetime.

That is the truth about Greek life that every non-Greek seems to miss. It so easy for people on the other side of the Greek letters to only see and believe the superficial and negative connotations associate with Greek Life, and miss the underlining values that foster Greek Life organization.

That being said, it is important for Greeks to show others the true meaning of Greek Life to help change the way Greek Life is perceived.

Unconditionally

As I posted last week, I lost somebody that I loved dearly. I had never met anybody like him and he meant the world to me. Overnight everything changed and within 36 hours of his accident, he passed away.

It was during the weeks following his death that I received more love and support from my sisters than I ever could have imagined. The day that he passed away, two of my sisters came into the room I was having a meeting in and they brought me flowers and cookies. Within 20ish minutes from those two coming in, four more sisters came in with more flowers, more cookies, and Starbucks. I had already been overwhelmed with what I was feeling but this really made me break down. For the first time in my life, I had the undying support of all of my friends. After getting home from my meeting, the doorbell rang and my roommate (and best friend) answered the door. In came two more sisters with flowers, cookies, and chocolate flowers.

As the week went on, I attempted to force myself to get on with my life. For days, I wouldn't go out. That Friday night, I went to a haunted house and to the movie theater with some of my sisters and one of my sisters, a new member who hasn't known me but for a few weeks, gave me a card and chocolate.

It really hit me at that time...I'm apart of the greatest support system in the world. I'm a greek. I have the greatest friends on the planet. I have 40 women who I can call, day or night, and I know they'll answer the phone.

Nothing bothers me more than when people say, "you pay for your friends!"

No..I don't pay for my friends. Never have I ever paid for the love and support that I receive day in and day out. I didn't pay for the unconditional love that I have received since I came into this organization when I was a sophomore in Spring 2012.

I have never in my life had friendships like the ones that I've made while I've been in Phi Sig. In my time that I've been in Phi Sig, I've found my best friends, my partners in crime, my future bridesmaids, and ultimately, I've found my soulmates.

I met my two best friends because we all came into Phi Sig 6 months apart. The three of us have served on executive board for two terms. I live with one and the other one may as well live with us because we're always together anyway. I have the two best littles and I have just recently received the best grand little into my family. I've had the two best rosebuds that I could have ever asked for that have been there through everything with me.

I ultimately have everything that I ever really needed. I lost love in a very tragic way, but I was also blind to see that I had people around me the entire time that loved me when I was at my worst. I've had people that would hold me while I cry and bring me the unhealthiest of food, even when I didn't need it.

I've been blessed to have the most wonderful support systems of all.

Don't forget to tell your loved ones that you love them and that you care. Don't forget to savor every minute you have with them because you never know if things could change. Embrace those around you, because whether you realize it or not, you have the most wonderful of people around you who will love you unconditionally.