Coping With The Loss Of An Active Member

Handling the loss of anyone is intolerably difficult and handling the loss of an active member or any member of your chapter past or present is even more difficult. I get chills and goosebumps as I sit here thinking of ways to do this subject justice. First, I need to remember that I am so grateful as my chapter has not experienced the pain and hardship of losing a sister. However, I have seen first hand the suffering (of chapter members, entire Greek communities, and close friends) that death brings upon those left behind. My hope by writing this post is to bring peace to those suffering and to extend my support to anyone who has ever had to endure this type of struggle. 

Greek Life at SVSU Fall 2014

At my university, over the last two years, we've had to cope with the untimely passing of two specific gentlemen, one an alumni of Tau Kappa Epsilon and the other an active member of Phi Kappa Tau. My entire Greek community felt the heartbreak of not only the families of these two individuals but the pure, pit-in-the-stomach, agony the active members and alumni of these chapters were feeling. We, as Greek life, came together to attend memorial ceremonies, Relay for Life remembrance walks, and even attended the funerals of these individuals regardless of if we knew them personally or not. Being Greek is much more than bid day parties, themed mixers, decorated paddles, socials, fundraising events, and philanthropic endeavors. Being Greek means having not just your entire sisterhood or brotherhood to stand by your side in tough times, but an entire community of individuals who share their support with you in good times and bad. 

Kappa Sigma May 2014

One story that I will share comes from the Sigma Zeta chapter of Kappa Sigma at Northwood University in Midland, MI. I have had the pleasure of being very close with these gentlemen over the course of my college career. I've been able to see the their brotherhood blossom from a simple colony to receiving their charter and becoming a thriving part of Greek Life at NU. If there's one common trend I've been able to observe through each brother of this fraternity it's that they truly have a bond with each other, exactly what brotherhood should be. Recently, one of their active members, Austin, was taken from them too soon. Although I had only met Austin once, I knew immediately that he was one of those all around good guys. He was a genuine person with a desire to make others happy. I asked a few of Austin's fraternity brothers what they like most about Austin and how they will remember him. The responses I got filled my heart with bliss. "He always lit up the room and was always smiling! He was always game for anything and he never worried about what the next day might bring, that's what I admire most about him. He could make anyone, and I mean anyone, laugh. Everyone just loved being around him." said Nick Schummer, an alumni member of Kappa Sigma and very close friend of Austin's. "He was always happy and energetic. He was always smiling. He was someone who could make friends with virtually anyone and hold a conversation with them." said Jay Banks, an alumni member of Kappa Sigma and Austin's Big Brother. 

Austin with his big bro, Jay.

For many, losing a friend or a family member is the most difficult part of life. If I had to explain what it's like to lose a member of Greek Life, specifically a member of your chapter, it's like placing one hundred wine glasses on a tablecloth and having the cloth ripped out from underneath without warning. Ultimately, the glass will shatter into tiny pieces but what happens after that is what makes being Greek such an incredible thing. When you're standing in front of this disaster, wondering how you'll manage to pick up each and every piece you see out of the corner of your eye a glimmer of relief. Before you know it you have one, four, twenty, fifty, possibly even hundreds of people each picking up a piece of the broken glass for you. You are reassured that you are not in this alone.

Austin with a couple of fraternity brothers and close friends.

When I asked Kappa Sigma what they did to support one another other than the obvious phone calls, text messages, and other forms of communication, I was humbled by the response I received. I expected nothing less from this chapter of gentlemen. "At his service we did a passing ritual at his grave site. We had about 30 brothers and alumni members present for this service." said John McGrane, the current President of Kappa Sigma - Sigma Zeta. 30 brothers and alumni, traveling from all corners of Michigan and even from out of the state to remember Austin and stand by each other as brothers to grieve the loss of their dear friend and member of their fraternity family. That is extraordinary. Furthermore, Kappa Sigma will hold a balloon launch at Northwood University on September 1st in remembrance of Austin for the entire Greek Community and student body to attend.

I think what truly hits home for me is the fact that very rarely do you find a group of individuals like this who will travel hundreds of miles to give support when support is needed. Something as simple as standing by your fraternity brother, sorority sister, or any member of your Greek community in a time of need is what being Greek is really all about. Being part of Greek Life has given me and thousands of others the extra family we needed to get us not only through college but through life post-grad too.

This happens more often than any of us would like to think about. From car accidents, to disease, to acts of self harm, we lose people who are so very near to us too often. If you're trying to cope with the loss of a member of your Greek community or even a close friend you made in college, know that you are not alone. Remember the incredible times you've had with this person and share those memories with others to keep their spirit alive. If you're Greek, if you're not affiliated with any organization, or if you never went to college but you're still finding yourself in this same boat of trying to cope with the loss of someone close to your heart, this one is for you. From my heart to yours - 

Five Things You Should Thank Your College Best Friend For

As some of you may know, I am the Greek Life Blogger for Sorority Girl Thoughts. So, you're probably asking yourself, "How does thanking your college best friend play into Greek Life? That doesn't make sense..." and that, my friends, is where I begin my story. Your college best friends, not to be confused with your high school best friends because those people are incredibly important too, but your college best friends have most definitely seen it all. They've been with you through some of your most stressful and most exciting times in your young adult life. They've witnessed you change from a weird little freshman to the confident, leader you are today. My college best friendships all blossomed from being part of Greek Life. If I would have never joined a sorority, specifically my sorority, I would have never become such great friends with these people and my life would be entirely different. Oddly enough, one of the best friends I've ever had is from the same city that I am. We went to rival high schools and never met each other until we were in college, both in the same sorority. More times than not, I forget to thank my college best friends for all they have done for me through good times and bad. Maybe you lived with your college best friend or maybe your college best friend is someone you never thought in a million years you would be friends with. Whatever your case may be, here's a little list of things I feel are very important to thank your college bff for.

Look at the beauty that is my bff and ignore my strange choice of bat necklace accessory. 

1. Thank them for the times they went out of their way just to see you smile. I cannot tell you how important simple acts of kindness are in times of need. If it's stress from finals week, a break up, failing a class, losing a job, or just trying to juggle too much all at once - your college best friend is always there for you because, chances are, they understand your pain. 

2. Thank them for the times they were your biggest fan or biggest support system when you felt like the weight of the world was on your shoulders. You probably didn't even realize that they were giving you the support you needed or maybe you did. Regardless, your college best friend noticed you struggling to do all that you tried (and probably succeeded at) accomplishing. They took the initiative to give you an extra ounce of courage to motivate you just enough to get the job done. 

#TBT to that wonderful time when KTE and TKE were paired for Greek Week 2014

3. Thank them for the nights when you wanted to stay in but they made you go out with them anyway. Honestly, you probably had so much fun you completely forgot about the hours you wanted to spend binge watching netflix with no pants on while eating macaroni and cheese from the pan skinny pop popcorn. Thank your best friend for helping you show the real world that you're one hot piece of sass and a heck of a good time too! 

Spontaneous, unofficial Summer mixer with the gents of Kappa Sigma. (NOTE: everyone is of age)

4. Thank them for knowing your order at Starbs, Chipotle (or Qdoba for the Queso Lovers), Jimmy Johns, all-time favorite snack, or for simply knowing your favorite flavor of Gatorade. The fact that your bestie knows and remembers these specific details about you and can easily save you from mid-day hanger, starvation, or the worst hangover known to mankind, deserves an award all on its own.

Some of the best pledge sisters a girl could ask for.

5. Thank them for sticking by your side. It's not always easy, we all know that. Sometimes you're difficult or moody and sometimes your college bff is too. Friends come and go for one reason or another. Fights happen. Distance happens especially with this thing called "growing up and moving away". But really though, was there a class on that topic because I sure wasn't prepared for it to start happening. Thank your college best friend for always, no matter what, being there for you to give you a laugh, a hug, a snap back to reality (oh, there goes gravity), or whatever you need to get you through the day. At this point in life, real friends are so precious and hard to come by.

My big and I color coordinating per usual.

If your college best friends have all gone their separate ways or if you're still making enough memories to last you a life time, don't forget to take a moment to thank them for all they've done for you. 

What is your favorite memory with your college best friend? Let us know in the comments below!

Having More Than One Little

With the fall semester quickly approaching, it's that time of year again. Yes, school is starting and that's just dreadful exciting but that also means recruitment is right around the corner. With recruitment comes PNMs and with PNMs comes the potential for new littles. Perhaps this is your time to shine and take one of these new girls under your wing to become their big sister or maybe you've been an active member of your organization for a while and have had the opportunity to take more than one little. Whatever the case may be, sharing the experience of your sorority (or fraternity) with your little is so special and it is a relationship that should not be taken lightly. I have one actual little sister, Little J, who is an initiated member of my sorority and I cherish our relationship to no end. 

Little J and I at her initiation (as seen on TSM).

I also have five other individuals who are very much like littles to me, I call them my "unofficial littles". They're equally as important and I try my best to make sure I'm always there to support them. Each one of them incorporates a unique piece to my puzzle that I call life. To put it in simple terms that might help you understand, they're like my adopted children and their Greek affiliation (or lack of Greek affiliation) does not matter to me because I'll be there for them for life. Maybe you've been in a similar circumstance or maybe you share your big with another person and are having a difficult time adjusting. So, without further ado, here are a few key points I've put together of what you should and should not do if you have a little, multiple littles, or if you're considering taking a little in the future.

You Should: Have group dates. Make your littles hang out with each other because, let's face it, you'll probably graduate before any of them and be off into the real world before they know it. Having those family bonds solidified before you graduate makes the transition much easier for everyone involved. Plus, it's always nice to have someone in your corner if your big is not around. 

You Should: Treat them equally. No one likes to feel left out so even if your connection with one little is stronger than it is with your other little(s), always make an effort to show them you care.

Different Day. Different Little. Different Leggings. Same Pose.

You Should: Celebrate their accomplishments! Little one got a new car, little two got a new puppy, little three killed their internship interview. No matter how big or small these events are, they're important to your little. Let them know that you're thinking about them! 

You Should: Make a fun family name or give each little a nickname. Like I mentioned, I have acquired a small family of littles. We are the Nugget Family, not like chicken nuggets, but somehow that's the association that's transpired. So, as a result, they're my little pack of nugs. We even have our own secret Facebook group for easy communication but we'll pretend like I didn't just spill the beans with that one. 

Some of the Nugget Family at a tailgate event.

You Should: Take note of how each little reacts in a troubling situation or when dealing with stress and anxiety. Some people love to be hugged and soothed during times like these when others just need a pat on the back and an ice cream cone. Know how to help your little through these tough times. 

You Should Not: Favor one little over another. Yes, of course, sometimes you can't control the connection you have with someone but don't let it show. Always, always, always try to remain neutral. 

You Should Not: Forget the important dates in your littles' lives. Birthdays, anniversaries, milestones - write them down for yourself so you can always send some love their way on these special days.

You Should Not: Let too much time pass in between hanging out or catching up. Obviously, it's hard to coordinate with multiple schedules especially when you have a busy schedule of your own. However, you're never too busy to shoot your littles individual texts or messages to let them know you're thinking about them. 

You Should Not: Disown your little. Every so often, people who share a very close bond get annoyed with each other and feel that it's necessary to push back. Try not to do this, especially with your little. It's okay to have disagreements but mend those ties as soon as possible. Even if your little irritates you and you find yourself filled with negative emotions, always make an effort to mend the relationship. Your little is like your child and you have assumed the role of a parent - remember that always. Your little is yours for life not just for four years. 

Twinning with Little J.

If you have one little or twenty littles, your little looks up to you probably more than you realize. In many cases, you're the one that drives their passion for your organization or Greek Life and you give them the tools necessary for being an incredible big one day too. Aside from that, they learn from you. You indirectly teach them, hopefully, the right ways to navigate college and they usually keep you on your toes. The best way to summarize this would be to say, treat your little(s) how you would want to be treated. Best of luck this Fall if you're searching for your first, second, or even your third little. Whatever number you're on, having a little is always an awesome experience. 

What's your favorite memory with your big or little? Comment below and let us know! 

What Your Mother Doesn't Tell You About: Going Greek

What Your Mother Doesn't Tell You About: Going Greek

You've seen it on TV. You've read about it in magazines. You've probably even seen these people on your college campus. You guessed it, I'm talking about the men and women of Greek Life. The leaders, scholars, philanthropists, and friends who make your college experience one worth living. Let me take you back to the first week of your freshman year in college, that was five years ago for me. You probably lived on campus, went to freshman orientation, and met some pretty cool people called your roommates. You might have even lived with your bestie from high school. My first week of freshman year was literally the worst week of my life. I go to a university that is less than 30 minutes away from my hometown. So, naturally, I thought commuting from home would be way better than living on campus because there would be so much more room for activities at my house (step brothers? get it? anyone?). Anyway, I began my first day of class with no new, cool, awesome friends that lived in my dorm hall. There were freshman orientations for students who lived on campus the weekend before classes started and commuters could attend those events too but I refused to attend those fun, inviting, probably really great events that I should have. So, back to that first semester. I knew I wanted to go Greek. I wanted to join a sorority, particularly one of the sororities on my campus that I am legacy to. I met a few cool people the first couple of weeks of school but we were just "in class" friends and nothing more. I had been dying for the day to come when I could receive a bid from my legacy sorority, run home to them, and live happily ever after. Fall 2010 recruitment came and I'm not really sure if I was shy or if I just expected to be handed this set of beautifully crafted letters but I did not put forth the effort that recruitment period. I probably wasn't ready to join a sorority even though I thought I 100% was. I came back out during Winter 2011 for recruitment. This time, it was better for me but I still had the same, common misconception that letters would just appear in front of me and life would be sunshine and daisies. While I did receive a bid to my legacy sorority I did not choose to become a PNM (potential new member) of their organization. Why? Why was this not what I thought it would be? Why did I walk away from something I had wanted so badly for so many years? What your mother doesn't tell you about going Greek is that you have to FIND your HOME. You can't base your decision off of what sorority your grandma, your mom, or your sister were in because everyone is different, weird right? I spent the rest of my freshman year and most of my summer trying to transfer to my university's rival school. When that wasn't in the cards for me, I found myself starting my second year at the same university I hated, still with no new friends. I had missed out on a lot by this point in my college career. Sure, I had been to a few parties freshman year but I was missing out on the experience of having real, true friends. So, I spent a lot of time my first semester of my second year in college visiting my friends from high school who went to other universities. Why? Because oddly enough, most of them were Greek. They were having the time of their lives with their sisters if they were in a sorority or their brothers if they were in a fraternity. They had found their homes which was something I thought I had no chance of finding at my university. Now, when I say "home" I don't mean a literal house in which you live - I mean an extension of yourself, a family, a group of people to support you no matter what. I sound like this was all about making friends but really it was about finding my place and making myself happy. Okay so, back on track, first semester of my second year. I met a girl in my 300 level creative writing class, we'll call her Marissa. Marissa was part of this local sorority I had never heard of on my campus, Kappa Tau Epsilon. Marissa was their recruitment chair and encouraged that I check KTE out the following semester. I was blind to the local sorority world because I grew up in a family of NPC (national panhellenic conference) sorority women. Before talking with Marissa, I thought local sororities were made up and not real things, like, they didn't really exist. I was completely and entirely wrong. Winter 2012, I gave it a shot and I checked it out. I went to all of the recruitment events of this local sorority. The very first girl I met when I walked into KTE's recruitment was a girl who would later become my big but we'll talk about her in a different post.

My big and I (after I already knew she was my big but we can pretend I didn't know).

 I instantly had a connection with her, a connection I cannot put in to words. After walking into the room and meeting many of the other girls that first day, I knew I had found exactly where I belonged. And so, I began my local sorority (which really isn't too different than a national sorority) journey with Kappa Tau Epsilon. Flash forward to present day - I am starting my sixth year in college and my fourth year as a sister of Kappa Tau Epsilon. I am currently KTE's recruitment chair and this is my second time serving on our executive board. I could not be happier to be such a big part of the potential new members' recruitment process. I am very excited to meet the girls coming through recruitment this fall and I'm delighted I get to experience my last Fall recruitment as recruitment chair.

KTE taking a break to be silly while preparing for Fall 2015 recruitment.

What your mother doesn't tell you about going Greek is that it is not an instant process. Sometimes it takes time and effort. You might have to try and try again before you find your home or you might click with girls of a specific chapter immediately and never look back. The point is, take a risk. Experience what is out there. Have an open mind. Take a chance. Going Greek is by far the best thing I've ever done in my life and I bet it will be the best thing you do in yours too. 

Sneak Preview Day!

         Today was sneak preview day on campus for my university. It was an amazing turnout and the campus was filled with a lot of incoming freshman and transfer students. I gave a lot of campus tours today with students and parents and I was asked a lot of questions that I feel are really important to ask. I know a lot of the time some girls transfer to other schools so this list below will be really helpful, when figuring out where you want to transfer to for college. This list applies to any grad level, undergrad or graduate.

1.       Student housing prices? Is it more expensive to life on or off campus? - Especially if you’re not a financial aid student, and you’re paying for school on your own. This is very helpful to know because it will help you plan your budget. Remember also there are different prices for full time students then half time students.

2.      Is my major impacted? - A lot of the time schools majors will be impacted. What does this mean? It will be harder for you to get the classes that you need. Don’t be discouraged to apply for the school when you know your major is impacted. It does not mean the school is bad, it means there are a lot of students on campus who has the same interest as you. Which is a good thing, you will have more people to study and socialize with.

3.      What is social life like? - Its college life so of course you want to know about what to do when you’re not studying. However I really encourage prioritizing your social life with your academics. Get to know the day and night life off campus, not to mention go in groups to meet new people. Safety is key!

4.      Are their internships as well as jobs available for me? Especially for those who are already in college but are transferring this is a question for you. It will give you a leg up on your educational goals when you graduate. Internships paid or non-paid are gold especially if they are in your major. A lot of the times schools with have jobs and internships in departments for students. Or if you want a job on campus, get to know the career center.

5.      Financial aid questions-There are too many for me to put down. Ask as many questions as you want with this field. Such as scholarships, loans, grants, when your financial aid money gets to you, etc. this is a really important one so if you know you need financial aid do not be shy on asking too many questions.

6.      Is the campus safe? - For me when I came to my school this was the question I was asking every campus I visited. I knew I was going to live on campus and be taking a lot of night classes, so the school I choose had to be a safe one. A lot of schools have campus police than walk around or drive around campus to patrol. Also a lot of schools have emergency booths so if a student is not feeling safe, campus police will come to you to walk you were ever you need to go.

7.      What are the student organizations like?-If you’re already in a sorority and are transferring, it’s ok to get to know other organizations. Especially if your school does not have your sorority. Your alumni so this means you can join other clubs on campus. Now if there is your sorority on campus, you are still considered active (if you have not graduated) however when you go to chapter meetings you represent your chapter as well as the organization. If your confused on that contact the sorority’s archon of where you are transferring to, she will answer any questions or concerns you will have.

Best advice: Get to you’re the school you are visiting, such the teachers, campus, student organizations, food options etc.  If you applied to a lot of schools for fall, visit as many as you can. Visit them when your family and friends. Don’t be shy on asking questions, and have fun while you’re going on campus visits! I hope this piece has helped any of you who are considering to transfer to another school.

A Word of Advice during Recruitment from a former Greek Life Graduate Assistant

Now that the first two weeks of school have come to a close, many universities have started their recruitment processes for joining Greek organizations (please refer to previous blog post here) for the Fall 2014 semester.

While this is usually an opportunity for each chapter to truly show potential new members what the chapter has to offer, I am going to urge all you sorority women to go one step further and not only show what your chapter brings to your college/university but what Greek Life in general brings to your campus.

Now, I know this may seem a bit unorthodox, but the reality is YES we want to continue to grow the legacy of our individual chapters but without the support of the university in which we are chartered, our chapters would not exist. Therefore, it is just as important to promote “RUSH (insert chapter name here)” as it is to promote “Going Greek” in general.

It is your responsibility as a Greek Life member to not only promote and protect your chapter but also the other chapters that exist on your campus, because  at the end of the day, you all reflect what Greek Life at your university gives to its students to the University administrators. 

In the end, the being unified (also known as “Gruinty” at Pace University”) provides you with the greatest chance to prosper as a chapter, as a community, and as a vital piece to campus life.

With that being said, I hope you all take this opportunity during recruitment to not only talk about your experiences and your chapter, but also describe and promote Greek Life as a whole.