Coping With The Loss Of An Active Member

Handling the loss of anyone is intolerably difficult and handling the loss of an active member or any member of your chapter past or present is even more difficult. I get chills and goosebumps as I sit here thinking of ways to do this subject justice. First, I need to remember that I am so grateful as my chapter has not experienced the pain and hardship of losing a sister. However, I have seen first hand the suffering (of chapter members, entire Greek communities, and close friends) that death brings upon those left behind. My hope by writing this post is to bring peace to those suffering and to extend my support to anyone who has ever had to endure this type of struggle. 

Greek Life at SVSU Fall 2014

At my university, over the last two years, we've had to cope with the untimely passing of two specific gentlemen, one an alumni of Tau Kappa Epsilon and the other an active member of Phi Kappa Tau. My entire Greek community felt the heartbreak of not only the families of these two individuals but the pure, pit-in-the-stomach, agony the active members and alumni of these chapters were feeling. We, as Greek life, came together to attend memorial ceremonies, Relay for Life remembrance walks, and even attended the funerals of these individuals regardless of if we knew them personally or not. Being Greek is much more than bid day parties, themed mixers, decorated paddles, socials, fundraising events, and philanthropic endeavors. Being Greek means having not just your entire sisterhood or brotherhood to stand by your side in tough times, but an entire community of individuals who share their support with you in good times and bad. 

Kappa Sigma May 2014

One story that I will share comes from the Sigma Zeta chapter of Kappa Sigma at Northwood University in Midland, MI. I have had the pleasure of being very close with these gentlemen over the course of my college career. I've been able to see the their brotherhood blossom from a simple colony to receiving their charter and becoming a thriving part of Greek Life at NU. If there's one common trend I've been able to observe through each brother of this fraternity it's that they truly have a bond with each other, exactly what brotherhood should be. Recently, one of their active members, Austin, was taken from them too soon. Although I had only met Austin once, I knew immediately that he was one of those all around good guys. He was a genuine person with a desire to make others happy. I asked a few of Austin's fraternity brothers what they like most about Austin and how they will remember him. The responses I got filled my heart with bliss. "He always lit up the room and was always smiling! He was always game for anything and he never worried about what the next day might bring, that's what I admire most about him. He could make anyone, and I mean anyone, laugh. Everyone just loved being around him." said Nick Schummer, an alumni member of Kappa Sigma and very close friend of Austin's. "He was always happy and energetic. He was always smiling. He was someone who could make friends with virtually anyone and hold a conversation with them." said Jay Banks, an alumni member of Kappa Sigma and Austin's Big Brother. 

Austin with his big bro, Jay.

For many, losing a friend or a family member is the most difficult part of life. If I had to explain what it's like to lose a member of Greek Life, specifically a member of your chapter, it's like placing one hundred wine glasses on a tablecloth and having the cloth ripped out from underneath without warning. Ultimately, the glass will shatter into tiny pieces but what happens after that is what makes being Greek such an incredible thing. When you're standing in front of this disaster, wondering how you'll manage to pick up each and every piece you see out of the corner of your eye a glimmer of relief. Before you know it you have one, four, twenty, fifty, possibly even hundreds of people each picking up a piece of the broken glass for you. You are reassured that you are not in this alone.

Austin with a couple of fraternity brothers and close friends.

When I asked Kappa Sigma what they did to support one another other than the obvious phone calls, text messages, and other forms of communication, I was humbled by the response I received. I expected nothing less from this chapter of gentlemen. "At his service we did a passing ritual at his grave site. We had about 30 brothers and alumni members present for this service." said John McGrane, the current President of Kappa Sigma - Sigma Zeta. 30 brothers and alumni, traveling from all corners of Michigan and even from out of the state to remember Austin and stand by each other as brothers to grieve the loss of their dear friend and member of their fraternity family. That is extraordinary. Furthermore, Kappa Sigma will hold a balloon launch at Northwood University on September 1st in remembrance of Austin for the entire Greek Community and student body to attend.

I think what truly hits home for me is the fact that very rarely do you find a group of individuals like this who will travel hundreds of miles to give support when support is needed. Something as simple as standing by your fraternity brother, sorority sister, or any member of your Greek community in a time of need is what being Greek is really all about. Being part of Greek Life has given me and thousands of others the extra family we needed to get us not only through college but through life post-grad too.

This happens more often than any of us would like to think about. From car accidents, to disease, to acts of self harm, we lose people who are so very near to us too often. If you're trying to cope with the loss of a member of your Greek community or even a close friend you made in college, know that you are not alone. Remember the incredible times you've had with this person and share those memories with others to keep their spirit alive. If you're Greek, if you're not affiliated with any organization, or if you never went to college but you're still finding yourself in this same boat of trying to cope with the loss of someone close to your heart, this one is for you. From my heart to yours - 

Five Things You Should Thank Your College Best Friend For

As some of you may know, I am the Greek Life Blogger for Sorority Girl Thoughts. So, you're probably asking yourself, "How does thanking your college best friend play into Greek Life? That doesn't make sense..." and that, my friends, is where I begin my story. Your college best friends, not to be confused with your high school best friends because those people are incredibly important too, but your college best friends have most definitely seen it all. They've been with you through some of your most stressful and most exciting times in your young adult life. They've witnessed you change from a weird little freshman to the confident, leader you are today. My college best friendships all blossomed from being part of Greek Life. If I would have never joined a sorority, specifically my sorority, I would have never become such great friends with these people and my life would be entirely different. Oddly enough, one of the best friends I've ever had is from the same city that I am. We went to rival high schools and never met each other until we were in college, both in the same sorority. More times than not, I forget to thank my college best friends for all they have done for me through good times and bad. Maybe you lived with your college best friend or maybe your college best friend is someone you never thought in a million years you would be friends with. Whatever your case may be, here's a little list of things I feel are very important to thank your college bff for.

Look at the beauty that is my bff and ignore my strange choice of bat necklace accessory. 

1. Thank them for the times they went out of their way just to see you smile. I cannot tell you how important simple acts of kindness are in times of need. If it's stress from finals week, a break up, failing a class, losing a job, or just trying to juggle too much all at once - your college best friend is always there for you because, chances are, they understand your pain. 

2. Thank them for the times they were your biggest fan or biggest support system when you felt like the weight of the world was on your shoulders. You probably didn't even realize that they were giving you the support you needed or maybe you did. Regardless, your college best friend noticed you struggling to do all that you tried (and probably succeeded at) accomplishing. They took the initiative to give you an extra ounce of courage to motivate you just enough to get the job done. 

#TBT to that wonderful time when KTE and TKE were paired for Greek Week 2014

3. Thank them for the nights when you wanted to stay in but they made you go out with them anyway. Honestly, you probably had so much fun you completely forgot about the hours you wanted to spend binge watching netflix with no pants on while eating macaroni and cheese from the pan skinny pop popcorn. Thank your best friend for helping you show the real world that you're one hot piece of sass and a heck of a good time too! 

Spontaneous, unofficial Summer mixer with the gents of Kappa Sigma. (NOTE: everyone is of age)

4. Thank them for knowing your order at Starbs, Chipotle (or Qdoba for the Queso Lovers), Jimmy Johns, all-time favorite snack, or for simply knowing your favorite flavor of Gatorade. The fact that your bestie knows and remembers these specific details about you and can easily save you from mid-day hanger, starvation, or the worst hangover known to mankind, deserves an award all on its own.

Some of the best pledge sisters a girl could ask for.

5. Thank them for sticking by your side. It's not always easy, we all know that. Sometimes you're difficult or moody and sometimes your college bff is too. Friends come and go for one reason or another. Fights happen. Distance happens especially with this thing called "growing up and moving away". But really though, was there a class on that topic because I sure wasn't prepared for it to start happening. Thank your college best friend for always, no matter what, being there for you to give you a laugh, a hug, a snap back to reality (oh, there goes gravity), or whatever you need to get you through the day. At this point in life, real friends are so precious and hard to come by.

My big and I color coordinating per usual.

If your college best friends have all gone their separate ways or if you're still making enough memories to last you a life time, don't forget to take a moment to thank them for all they've done for you. 

What is your favorite memory with your college best friend? Let us know in the comments below!

Having More Than One Little

With the fall semester quickly approaching, it's that time of year again. Yes, school is starting and that's just dreadful exciting but that also means recruitment is right around the corner. With recruitment comes PNMs and with PNMs comes the potential for new littles. Perhaps this is your time to shine and take one of these new girls under your wing to become their big sister or maybe you've been an active member of your organization for a while and have had the opportunity to take more than one little. Whatever the case may be, sharing the experience of your sorority (or fraternity) with your little is so special and it is a relationship that should not be taken lightly. I have one actual little sister, Little J, who is an initiated member of my sorority and I cherish our relationship to no end. 

Little J and I at her initiation (as seen on TSM).

I also have five other individuals who are very much like littles to me, I call them my "unofficial littles". They're equally as important and I try my best to make sure I'm always there to support them. Each one of them incorporates a unique piece to my puzzle that I call life. To put it in simple terms that might help you understand, they're like my adopted children and their Greek affiliation (or lack of Greek affiliation) does not matter to me because I'll be there for them for life. Maybe you've been in a similar circumstance or maybe you share your big with another person and are having a difficult time adjusting. So, without further ado, here are a few key points I've put together of what you should and should not do if you have a little, multiple littles, or if you're considering taking a little in the future.

You Should: Have group dates. Make your littles hang out with each other because, let's face it, you'll probably graduate before any of them and be off into the real world before they know it. Having those family bonds solidified before you graduate makes the transition much easier for everyone involved. Plus, it's always nice to have someone in your corner if your big is not around. 

You Should: Treat them equally. No one likes to feel left out so even if your connection with one little is stronger than it is with your other little(s), always make an effort to show them you care.

Different Day. Different Little. Different Leggings. Same Pose.

You Should: Celebrate their accomplishments! Little one got a new car, little two got a new puppy, little three killed their internship interview. No matter how big or small these events are, they're important to your little. Let them know that you're thinking about them! 

You Should: Make a fun family name or give each little a nickname. Like I mentioned, I have acquired a small family of littles. We are the Nugget Family, not like chicken nuggets, but somehow that's the association that's transpired. So, as a result, they're my little pack of nugs. We even have our own secret Facebook group for easy communication but we'll pretend like I didn't just spill the beans with that one. 

Some of the Nugget Family at a tailgate event.

You Should: Take note of how each little reacts in a troubling situation or when dealing with stress and anxiety. Some people love to be hugged and soothed during times like these when others just need a pat on the back and an ice cream cone. Know how to help your little through these tough times. 

You Should Not: Favor one little over another. Yes, of course, sometimes you can't control the connection you have with someone but don't let it show. Always, always, always try to remain neutral. 

You Should Not: Forget the important dates in your littles' lives. Birthdays, anniversaries, milestones - write them down for yourself so you can always send some love their way on these special days.

You Should Not: Let too much time pass in between hanging out or catching up. Obviously, it's hard to coordinate with multiple schedules especially when you have a busy schedule of your own. However, you're never too busy to shoot your littles individual texts or messages to let them know you're thinking about them. 

You Should Not: Disown your little. Every so often, people who share a very close bond get annoyed with each other and feel that it's necessary to push back. Try not to do this, especially with your little. It's okay to have disagreements but mend those ties as soon as possible. Even if your little irritates you and you find yourself filled with negative emotions, always make an effort to mend the relationship. Your little is like your child and you have assumed the role of a parent - remember that always. Your little is yours for life not just for four years. 

Twinning with Little J.

If you have one little or twenty littles, your little looks up to you probably more than you realize. In many cases, you're the one that drives their passion for your organization or Greek Life and you give them the tools necessary for being an incredible big one day too. Aside from that, they learn from you. You indirectly teach them, hopefully, the right ways to navigate college and they usually keep you on your toes. The best way to summarize this would be to say, treat your little(s) how you would want to be treated. Best of luck this Fall if you're searching for your first, second, or even your third little. Whatever number you're on, having a little is always an awesome experience. 

What's your favorite memory with your big or little? Comment below and let us know! 

Sorority Girl =Working girl: How Your Chapter Can Help You Prepare For The Working World

Joining a sorority can easily top the list as one of the greatest decisions a woman can make during college. While stereotypes paint the experience as nothing more than a “good time”, the reality is that joining a sorority helps prepare and mold you for the real world. 

From the inside looking in, you as a sorority woman, realize that being “Greek” is so much more responsibility. From planning events, to being on the executive board, to being a big,  Greek life teaches you the three most important things you will need as you enter the rest of your life.  Confidence, Knowledge, and Experience. 

Need more proof? 

When you are on a job interview and your potential employer asks if you will be able to a manager of other employees, you know you can because you were on your chapter’s e-board.

Or what if your boss asks you to have 20 tasks due by Monday, you can handle it because you had to balance so much being a student and a member of Greek Life. 

Let's sayyou want to plan a fundraiser to raise money for an important cause, you know exactly what to do because you had to plan events for your chapter once a month. 

People say that college provides you the foundation for the rest of your life, if that is true, being Greek provides you with a second floor. It gives you more than foundation, it give you another level. 

 As someone who has been working in my field since I left college, I can honestly say that I left Pace University a better student, leader, and person after joining Phi Sigma Sigma on my campus. I left the sheltered halls of that campus ready and eager to follow my dreams, make a difference, and change the world. The strength and confidence to pursue my passions were developed from being Greek.  More importantly,  my experience is that I am not the only one. 

So as you prepare to go into the new semester, remember to be as active as you can in your chapter, because being in sorority will open many doors for you, teach you many lessons, and will give you everything you need post graduation. 

Need further convincing? Check out this article by USA Today!!!

5 Things the Wedding Magazines Won't Tell You to Consider While Planning a Wedding!

I am the kind of girl that meets the common cliche of "dreaming about ny wedding since she was a little girl". From the date, to the location, to my hair, to the flowers, more or less every detail has planned been planned for no exaggeration, years. Whe I finally became engaged this past December to the greatest man I have ever met, I was beyond excited to finally put my dream wedding into action. 

I thought I was brilliant, I planned on doing almost everything myself from the invites to the flowers, I wasn't going to send thousands of dollars on a dress, everything was going to be classy but low budget. 

However, being me, I have always wanted to get married in the New Jersey Botenical Gardens. It is literally my favorite place in the world. In November  (ironically a month before becoming a official "Bride to Be" ) I decided on a whim to call them to get the pricing info.

It was then I dawned on me that this wedding was still going to be expensive, dispite all my planning, if I didn't look at all my options. It also occured to me that, there are somethings that no bridal magazines have ever told me and I want to ensure all future sorority brides, are well prepared. 

Here are five tips I have learned while planning my wedding.

1) Consider not getting married on a Saturday: Think about having your special day on a Friday or a Sunday because most places have a minimum for number of guest per wedding during specific times of years and those numbers are generally less on those two days. Also, consider getting married in the "off months" Like November and January, this will also save you on pricing.

2. Narrow down your guest list: This has been perhaps the biggest nightmare for me, specifically in relations to my sorority sisters. You don't want to leave anyone out but you can't afford to have everyone there. It is a very difficult situation. My best suggestion is to go into guest list making thinking  "who do I have to invite" and from the remaining estimation of the number of people you want, determine who else you can add it. 

3. Consider a small bridal party: Again, another nightmare when you have a sea of beautiful and amazing sorority sisters. But narrow it down to the people who matters most to you and that you can't imagine not being by your side as you stand at the alter. Also think, bigger wedding party equals more gifts, more opinions, and more stress. 

4. Deterinmine your prorities: Decide between you and your partner (and whoever is helping with finaces) what your priorities are. For example, my top prority is the photography. As a photographer, I need to trust who ever is taking these pictures completely and for that reason I am willing to spend more on it because it is so important to me. 

5. Be open to compromise: I know this could be difficult but it is perhaps the most difficult thing to do, even more so when you have a certain vision in your head but at the end of the day, it is only one day of forever with your significant other, you don't have to have everything you everything you ever wanted because you should have already found it in them :)

A Personal Reaction to Sigma Alpha Epsilon's Racist Chant

On Sunday a  nine second viral video clip of several fraternity men chanting some very horrific things reached the email of Katelyn Griffith, an editor for “The Oklahoma Daily” student newspaper. Within hours, the story and video instantly made its way across cyberspace and the brothers of Sigma Alpha Epsilon at Oklahoma University were pulled out of the shadows and exposed.

As of today, the fraternity has been rightfully shunned by its national organization and fellow members, kicked off their local campus, their fraternity house has been evacuate, and several members have been expelled.

At the same time, people across the digital world are weighing in on the subject.

That being said, I felt it was important for me to address the actions of these men on our blog seeing that this platform is geared to Greek Life members.

Let me start off by saying, I do not, under any circumstances, condone the actions of these “men”. No questions asked, these men were wrong and deserve the consequences of this video surfacing. The very fact that several severe punishments were handed out to this “chapter” by both the parent organization and local university within hours of the video surfacing is indicative of the severity of offense and the lack of tolerance of these distasteful actions by other Greek Life members. 

However, I do not agree with others, from individuals to the media ( please refer to this CNN opinion article here), using this as an opportunity to shame all Greek lettered organizations as social cliques that pick and choose who will join their organizations based on qualities such as skin color, religion, sexual orientation or any other social issue.

As a proud member of Greek Life who comes from a chapter with several diverse women, I find it insulting that the actions of these men has become synonyms with Greek Life as a whole. 

In my humble opinion, it is morally and ethically wrong pass judgment on an entire group of people based on the decisions of the few; It is not fair to judge all Greeks based on the actions of these “men” just like it isn’t fair to judge anyone based on any other social issue.

This is one chapter at one university, there are hundreds of chapters from hudreds of Greek Lettered Organizations across the United States alone, each with their own histories, beliefs, and values. No chapter is the same even within the same overarching organization, how is it possibly fair to form an opinion of Greek Life as a whole based on one selection of “men”.

That being said, I urge people to look at this terrible offense as what it is, the actions of a few Greek Life members, not every Greek Life member.

New Year, New Semester, New Chapter

The New Year. A fresh start, a clean state, a new opportunity, not only to improve personally, but as a group.

While the New Year brings new resolutions for every person, how about taking your list of goals a step further. Consider the January 1^st to not only change you, but your chapter. After all, it will soon be the start of new semester too.

Below I listed 5 “resolutions” to consider for you chapters

1. Improve recruitment: Recruitment is an important part to every chapter’s existence. While I am a firm believer of quality over quantity, most national organizations and universities themselves have chapter minimums. With this in mind, revamp recruitment, so you can show Potential New Members the best version of your chapter and to ensure you are in goo standing.

2. Increase Marketing: Living in the digital era, marketing, specifically social media marketing is vital to promoting a chapter and making sure you are know on campus. Use the New Year as motivation to ensure that you are constantly marketing your chapter.

3. Plan a New Event: I am not going to sugar coat it, planning events can be  a long, tiring, and tedious process, but it also can be one of the most rewarding things you do. So talk it over, create something new, and work hard to further your name on campus.

4. Reach Out to Your Alumni: Your alumni is your greatest assets, we want to be there for you, so make us feel like we are still important to you. You never know, reaching out to one alumni can lead to more assistance than you ever imagined.

5. Create more sisterhood/brotherhood events: Greek Chapters were founded on the ideals of a united sisterhood/brotherhood. This new year, take the time to foster those relationships! Spend more time together, learn about each other, and most importantly, create those unspeakable bonds that we are privileged to have as members of Greek Life.

The above list are just some general ideas, evaluate your chapter and determine your own. And remember, only you can make your chapter great!

Join a Sorority for You and No One Else

I’m going to come right out and say it, a sorority is not for everyone [and I mean that when I say it]. Going through recruitment, making it through a sorority associating new member process, and gaining a plethora of new sisters is extremely overwhelming. You can feel like you don’t know everyone, and that you are close with a select few, and you wish you knew everyone better than you initially do.

Here is where I’m going to tell you that even though all of those things I just listed can seem completely overwhelming, they’re wrong. Yes things will seem overwhelming, but the rush of recruitment is like no other adrenaline rush you’ve ever felt. The excitement of walking into a room and feeling so at home and comfortable is unexplainable. Seeing the professionalism and the welcoming of each and every sister makes it that much more desired. You realize you want it more badly than anything you've ever wanted. But a sorority is a huge commitment that you have to think about thoroughly. Yes there are dues, yes there are mandatory events and meetings, but everything else that comes along with it so 100% worth it.

You want to make sure you’re joining a greek organization for yourself and no one else. Don’t ask anyone else’s opinions about whether they see you in a greek organization because the only way you’ll find the answer is if you ask yourself. Can you see yourself becoming a more active member in the community? Can you see yourself taking on leadership positions? Do you think this will add so much more to your college experience? These are all questions you need to ask yourself before you step into that recruitment room because I made the mistake of asking members of my family and friends what they thought about sororities and asked them if they could see me in one but that wasn’t what I needed to figure out. Could I see myself in one was the real question. Countless people I was close to told me no, and said that they couldn’t see me in Greek life but years later I couldn’t be more proud that I asked myself the question and figured out that it was something I wanted to be a part of.

I had asked people I was close to, people who were already in Greek life and told me they could never see me in a sorority, what did that even mean? Seriously? That put such a damper on my positivity to join one, but ultimately became something I needed to figure out on my own. I figured out that Greek life was something I had to get a feel for, it wasn't something I could find out from watching movies or shows like "Greek" or from other people that were in them but my own personal experience and feelings toward it. I took a gamble, walked into that recruitment room and realized that it was something I wanted. All of my worries and fears that people had instilled in me that persuaded me that I wouldn't enjoy it were wrong. So prove them wrong; get your own opinion of it and decide for yourself.

Make sure you do the same for yourself, don’t jip yourself of an opportunity because other people’s opinions interfere with your own goals and dreams. Do it for you and no one else.