Coping With The Loss Of An Active Member

Handling the loss of anyone is intolerably difficult and handling the loss of an active member or any member of your chapter past or present is even more difficult. I get chills and goosebumps as I sit here thinking of ways to do this subject justice. First, I need to remember that I am so grateful as my chapter has not experienced the pain and hardship of losing a sister. However, I have seen first hand the suffering (of chapter members, entire Greek communities, and close friends) that death brings upon those left behind. My hope by writing this post is to bring peace to those suffering and to extend my support to anyone who has ever had to endure this type of struggle. 

Greek Life at SVSU Fall 2014

At my university, over the last two years, we've had to cope with the untimely passing of two specific gentlemen, one an alumni of Tau Kappa Epsilon and the other an active member of Phi Kappa Tau. My entire Greek community felt the heartbreak of not only the families of these two individuals but the pure, pit-in-the-stomach, agony the active members and alumni of these chapters were feeling. We, as Greek life, came together to attend memorial ceremonies, Relay for Life remembrance walks, and even attended the funerals of these individuals regardless of if we knew them personally or not. Being Greek is much more than bid day parties, themed mixers, decorated paddles, socials, fundraising events, and philanthropic endeavors. Being Greek means having not just your entire sisterhood or brotherhood to stand by your side in tough times, but an entire community of individuals who share their support with you in good times and bad. 

Kappa Sigma May 2014

One story that I will share comes from the Sigma Zeta chapter of Kappa Sigma at Northwood University in Midland, MI. I have had the pleasure of being very close with these gentlemen over the course of my college career. I've been able to see the their brotherhood blossom from a simple colony to receiving their charter and becoming a thriving part of Greek Life at NU. If there's one common trend I've been able to observe through each brother of this fraternity it's that they truly have a bond with each other, exactly what brotherhood should be. Recently, one of their active members, Austin, was taken from them too soon. Although I had only met Austin once, I knew immediately that he was one of those all around good guys. He was a genuine person with a desire to make others happy. I asked a few of Austin's fraternity brothers what they like most about Austin and how they will remember him. The responses I got filled my heart with bliss. "He always lit up the room and was always smiling! He was always game for anything and he never worried about what the next day might bring, that's what I admire most about him. He could make anyone, and I mean anyone, laugh. Everyone just loved being around him." said Nick Schummer, an alumni member of Kappa Sigma and very close friend of Austin's. "He was always happy and energetic. He was always smiling. He was someone who could make friends with virtually anyone and hold a conversation with them." said Jay Banks, an alumni member of Kappa Sigma and Austin's Big Brother. 

Austin with his big bro, Jay.

For many, losing a friend or a family member is the most difficult part of life. If I had to explain what it's like to lose a member of Greek Life, specifically a member of your chapter, it's like placing one hundred wine glasses on a tablecloth and having the cloth ripped out from underneath without warning. Ultimately, the glass will shatter into tiny pieces but what happens after that is what makes being Greek such an incredible thing. When you're standing in front of this disaster, wondering how you'll manage to pick up each and every piece you see out of the corner of your eye a glimmer of relief. Before you know it you have one, four, twenty, fifty, possibly even hundreds of people each picking up a piece of the broken glass for you. You are reassured that you are not in this alone.

Austin with a couple of fraternity brothers and close friends.

When I asked Kappa Sigma what they did to support one another other than the obvious phone calls, text messages, and other forms of communication, I was humbled by the response I received. I expected nothing less from this chapter of gentlemen. "At his service we did a passing ritual at his grave site. We had about 30 brothers and alumni members present for this service." said John McGrane, the current President of Kappa Sigma - Sigma Zeta. 30 brothers and alumni, traveling from all corners of Michigan and even from out of the state to remember Austin and stand by each other as brothers to grieve the loss of their dear friend and member of their fraternity family. That is extraordinary. Furthermore, Kappa Sigma will hold a balloon launch at Northwood University on September 1st in remembrance of Austin for the entire Greek Community and student body to attend.

I think what truly hits home for me is the fact that very rarely do you find a group of individuals like this who will travel hundreds of miles to give support when support is needed. Something as simple as standing by your fraternity brother, sorority sister, or any member of your Greek community in a time of need is what being Greek is really all about. Being part of Greek Life has given me and thousands of others the extra family we needed to get us not only through college but through life post-grad too.

This happens more often than any of us would like to think about. From car accidents, to disease, to acts of self harm, we lose people who are so very near to us too often. If you're trying to cope with the loss of a member of your Greek community or even a close friend you made in college, know that you are not alone. Remember the incredible times you've had with this person and share those memories with others to keep their spirit alive. If you're Greek, if you're not affiliated with any organization, or if you never went to college but you're still finding yourself in this same boat of trying to cope with the loss of someone close to your heart, this one is for you. From my heart to yours -